I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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