I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
