Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize