u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this just has baby written all over it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
