OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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