I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
