singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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