I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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