I think I am morally bankrupt
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
