Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
