that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
