I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize