There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
