apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
