Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
