After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
