Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
