I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
