This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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