she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
