Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just pee around me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
