As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
