I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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