Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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