All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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