We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if only i could text you this smell
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize