I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
