There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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