I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
