I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sober January is a disaster.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
