so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
