I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
