That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
