Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is it because I queefed?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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