smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
