Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
