Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
