onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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