next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
