It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My room smells like vodka and shame
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
