you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize