I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
