i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have already put on my inside pants.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
