you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
