These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
