yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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