I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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