Define "chronic" masturbator.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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