Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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