we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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