4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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