I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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