tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
