Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
