Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
