i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
