Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
