they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
