Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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