woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize