my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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