Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
