My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
