My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize