He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
