The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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