wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
