Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Houston, we have a squirter
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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