sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
