i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
